As an online dating coach, there is a recurring theme I see every day. That is, everyone seems to want to date someone younger than himself or herself. I’m sure you’ve seen it too if you’ve online dated for any period of time, you may come across a profile where that person has indicated they are actually 45 instead of their listed age of 39, because they wanted to appear in more search results. And these are the people who are up front about it. Oftentimes ages are changed and never disclosed.
Then there are those who list the age range they are willing to date. They list being open to dating several years younger than themselves, but very few years older.
And there’s a problem here.
If everyone prefers to date younger, people will not be matched up because there are fewer younger people that are willing to date older. I see it happening all the time.
People FEEL young. They want to date someone who reflects the age they feel and also, let’s face it, younger people are generally easier on the eyes.
It’s not uncommon to get a male client fifty or older who wants to have biological children. So he wants to meet a woman in her 20’s or 30’s. Women in their 20’s and 30’s are often frustrated that is who shows them so much attention online. Women in their 50s are frustrated that men their own age won’t consider them as matches, and what happens? A lot of people get frustrated with “online dating.”
Online dating is not the problem! People doing online dating are the problem!
And we are seeing rampant individual bias’ about AGE. We make assumptions about everyone else’s age and perceived lifestyle/energy level/ attraction, except our own of course.
I call online dating a great equalizer. Studies show that people who get into relationships through online dating are more alike than dissimilar. This is in age as well as in their level of attraction.
Dating site Plenty of Fish does not even allow users to message matches outside of their age by more than 14 years. They’ve found that relationships formed through their site do not fall beyond that age difference.
So how can you get beyond the age bias and actually find love online? It’s simple, seek out people close to your own age or… OLDER. Don’t assume how people are by their number, take each person as a case-by-case basis and just meet! Meeting is how you are going to determine attraction, if your energy levels match, and with time find love and a relationship. Try it!